Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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