Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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