I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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