I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
