first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
