I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just want nice things and good sex
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
