i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
