So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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