He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
