I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
