i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
