i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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