you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize