she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
