your parents love me but you hate me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
