if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
