SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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