Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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