I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
