I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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