he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Congratulations! We have a period
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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