We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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