the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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