We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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