1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
