how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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