I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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