it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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