he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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