You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
