this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
