I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
