he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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