i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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