i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just forgot I was standing up.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize