Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection