Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.