You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes