his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????