YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life