after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
