i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
