I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
