Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize