you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
