I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
