i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
