when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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