i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
