I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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