it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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