He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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