matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
