The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
