Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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