They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
