OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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