I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
