If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
