Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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