please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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