Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
