it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're like the curious george of whores
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
