Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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