just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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