I didn't shave. On purpose
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
