saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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