i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
