that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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